Where are you?
In a non slutty way
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
