it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
