I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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