I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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