I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
