come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Randomize