i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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