i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
