I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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