when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
