The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
