I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
