I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize