I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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