Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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