I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
