Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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