Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
