Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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