yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Randomize
