I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
