he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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