well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
