I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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