Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
