Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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