Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
