just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
