Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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