You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
im six kinds of drunk right now
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
