Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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