there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
