I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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