i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I have fence marks all over my body
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
