how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
