my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
