with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize