nut hugger
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
