Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
