Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
