Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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