I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
