We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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