My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize