She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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