If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
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