Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
