fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
