Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
