Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
