i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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