Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
