Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
