I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
