I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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