I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
