You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
