I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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