Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
