I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize