Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
