I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
