Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
40s are totally the cure
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
