Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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