I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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