Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize