So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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