Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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