We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
