I love black thongs
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
