needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
