My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
