My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
