I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
