I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
