im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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