I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
organizing the empties. That sober.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
