I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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