wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
