I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
