this is something i pride myself on being below average for
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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