So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
