And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
