Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
