Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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