I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
