she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
