There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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