i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Randomize
