i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize