All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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