So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
