We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
