no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize