literally had 100 drinks last night.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
