She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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