mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Randomize
