its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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