ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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