You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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