if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
